Del Close Marathon 14: Kodak moments

I had the pleasure of shooting with UCB Comedy for the 14th annual Del Close Marathon in NYC. In between shooting I took some pictures. These are my favorites.

Drunk Magician

The first video from GRIZZWOLD!

Hi From The Bahamas!

Hey everyone, here’s a picture of me at my current location, THE BAHAMAS!

LOL I’m just kidding. It’s just a picture I took in Photo Booth on my iMac!

Greenland

So one day I was talking to my friend and something came up about Greenland. From what I remembered, Greenland was named by a Viking who wanted to trick people into thinking it was “green” (marijuana was legal) so that they would settle there. While searching around the Internet to find out if that was true, I came across this beauty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Greenland’s coat of arms. I don’t know what they were going for when they made this, but to me it looks like a polar bear practicing his passionate kisses. (And you’re looking good buddy!) I asked my friend what it looked like to him, but he didn’t respond because he’s a rabbit and can’t talk. Instead he just ate some lettuce.

Judging by the tongue I’d say that Greenland is either:
1. Home to fire breathing bears.
2. Sponsored by Nike.
3. Full of diehard KISS fans.

Out Of This World

After a 3 month hiatus due to Hurricane Irene fucking up my house and my motivation, I have returned to the comic biz. Here’s a new personal favorite!

Myspace Survey 2: Electric Boogaloo

SHOCKING
1. Have you done bad things with your parents nearby?
I threw stones at my parents.

2. Have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?
I’m not some rumor starting bed wetter like Brad.

3. Did you ever fail the school year?
Well I FAILED to follow the dress code and wore a belly shirt everyday! Consequently I failed 4th grade.

4. Have you ever done hallucinogenic drugs?
If you’ve never gone to Mass while tripping hard on mushrooms then don’t even call yourself a Christian.

5. Do you think your future will be a good one?
I saw my future in a dream, and it looks pretty great. With the exception of that Dracula who chases me.

THE DEEP STUFF
1. Do you think you were raised well?
I think I were raised hell. (/punx)

2. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told ANYONE?
I tell everyone my secrets on my podcast, Brian’s Diary of Secrets and Def Jam Poetry.

3. How would you spend your last day alive?
Probably freaking the fuck out. At DISNEY WORLD!!!

4. Do you hide things well or do you have a guilty conscience?
I hid my neighbors children for 3 months. I don’t feel guilty about it.

5. If you had to choose between having one family member or 5 of your closest friends die who would you choose?
Well my closest friends are like family, so I guess I’d do the honorable thing and pick all of them.

6. Do you think you could ever forgive someone who murdered a family member?
I don’t see why not. This guy Peter from college murdered his uncle and I got over it pretty quickly.

10. What is the worst thing you’ve ever done that your parents DON’T know about?
When I told them I was “going to high school” I was really playing bass in Hootie and the Blowfish.

THE RANDOM STUFF
1. Do you spend time with the same people always… or new people?
I prefer new people. I’m talking fresh out of the womb.

2. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?
Absolutely. My girlfriend piKATEchu182 lives in El Salvador, and we’re doing great.

3. What is your favorite color?
Yellow, because I love Bart, Bert, and I’m really racist towards Chinese people.

4. What do you do when you have a bad day?
Blow off some steam at fight club. (The twist is that I’m really 4 people!)(The club has 4 people)

5. Who messaged you last?
This guy in the park. I was just sitting on a bench and he started massaging my shoulders, and…Oh, I misread that. The last person who “messaged” me was that guy. He passed me a note that said “I’m gonna massage the shit out of you.”

Myspace Survey 1: Survey Says…

1.Will you answer every question honestly?
Absolutely. Not. On opposite day! (fingers crossed)

2. Have you ever stayed up all night while drunk or high?
One time I stayed up all night while high up on a mountain top! Does that count? Hahaha! I snorted so much coke up there.

3. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
Yeah, but it was a gang war, so everyone was doing it.

4. Do you miss anything or anyone?
I NEVER miss.

5. What makes you laugh no matter what?
The sun. I can’t look outside without ROFLOLOMG!

6. Have you kissed anyone on the lips within the past five hours?
Yes, but only if by “kissed” you mean “punched,” and by “on the lips” you mean “off a cliff.”

7. Who was the last person you talked to?
I just talked to hundreds of people on my podcast, “Brian Talks About Yo Mama.”

8. What do you dislike at the moment?
This bitch Irene is crashing in my basement this weekend. She always ruins my shit.

9. Name one person on your top friends who is the most like you?
Me and my friend George are a lot alike because our mothers are both strippers and our fathers are both addicted to gambling. Oh wait, no, that’s just YOU, George!

HARDER.
1. Do you get butterflies around the guys/girls you like?
Yes, but only because girls know the way to my heart is by giving me a box of butterflies.

2. Do you think it is bad to have sex at your age?
How old do you think I am? 5? Cause then maybe.

3. Will you get married?
I plan to marry an old rich woman. Cause when she dies, I’ll have my own haunted mansion.

4. Will you be doing drugs in the near future?
Um, maybe some Tylenol! LOL! Injected right to my veins….uggghhhhhhhh godddd.

5. Do you lie about your age?
All the time. No one would believe I’m actually 1,700 Galagnoid years old.

VERY PERSONAL.

1. If you were to have sex right now would you use a condom?
I prefer other forms of contraception. Like finishing before my pants come off and then running away.

2. Are you happy with yourself?
If I wasn’t would I give myself so many pats on the ass?

3. Would you change yourself for the person you love?
Yes, but only because my skin changes colors when I fall in love.

SECRETS.

1. When did you last cry?
At my cousin’s wedding. Hearing “the Electric Slide” at after parties always makes me tear up.

2. What was the original second question to this survey?
Original? That was the most poser piece of shit question I’ve ever read.

3. When was the last time you fell asleep with a girl?
When I’m with a girl there isn’t much sleeping, ifyouknowwhati’msayinnn! Bitch isn’t stealing my kidneys.

4. What is currently on your mind?
Literally or figuratively! LOL! Either way it’s “hat.”

5. Did you ever wish a close friend to death?
Sadly yes. I remember him yelling “Stop wishing! No more! No more!” but I just kept doing it until he was finally dead. Coincidentally he also had terrible cancer.

6. Has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once?
If anyone ever tried to punch me my alarm system would activate and bullets would fly out of my mouth.

7. Have you ever made out until you ran out of breath?
Not the way I make out! (with shoulders)